Now

6 months have passed and the world still reminds me of you.

The Green Turtle, laying her eggs in the sand

as I became a witness to her children's lives.

Feeling like an intruder in her intimate moment with you.

Staring into the eyes of a limp sloth,

wondering why her dark wide eyes have not blinked.

Hearing the crying of her baby as they reach for their moms stiff still bones.

The leaf that the wind carries next to my body

has a mother tree that released them down to earth to be composted into new life.

Conversations about motherhood that ring in my ears.

The all consuming love that spills from those mothers mouth

as she laughs with her children.

Dancing on the porch with my partner's nephew,

watching his knees bounce to the rhythm.

Witnessing as he soaks in life and learns the world.

Wishing I could hold your hand through that.

The imprint your being has left on my life, the beauty and the pain,

Motherhood is an extremity.

I feel you in all of these moments.

I feel the guilt, the sorrow, the loss.

This undying love and unquenchable thirst to know you, know who you are, who you could have become.

You made me a mother, even if I didn’t let you.

Motherhood is a part of me and I feel you in the world everywhere I go.